Ok.

Let me take you back.

The year is 1985. I am 6 years old. My dad buys an Atari 2600 and a decent selection of games. I immediately fall in love with "video games".

In 1987, we trade in the archaic system and games for the "brand new" Nintendo Entertainment System. My first 8-bit game: "Castlevania". Very fun game, compared to "Mario Bros." or anything else I had for the Atari. My second game: "Rad Racer" - a 3-D Racing game produced by a small, dying company called Square Co.

Very quickly, my dad begins searching want ads and acquiring all NES games he can get his hands on (we ultimately accrued a collection of well over 500 titles). Early 1990, I discover my first Role Playing Game - "Dragon Warrior". Retrospectively, this was an extremely puerile RPG. But, hey, I was 10...I loved it! Later that year, my dad comes home with a collection of games purchased from a local neighbour. Among this set is a severely different RPG called "Final Fantasy". Even then, I adored this game's mechanics and user-friendly interface (concerning character development) much more than that of "Dragon Warrior". I clearly remember the extreme length of time it took me to beat this game. I remember the game elements, the music, the look and feel.

Some time later, we acquired a Super Nintendo Entertainment System. We found a couple more "Final Fantasy" games - one a direct sequel (or so we Americans thought) and the other bearing a "III" at the end of its title. I was engrossed in the storylines of these two games. Again, Nobuo's beautiful orchestrations stayed true to my heart. I can remember Cecil becoming confused about loyalty, friendship, and love. I can remember a legendary quote ("You spoony bard!"). I felt the pain of Terra Branford piecing together her past, present, and fate. I enjoyed my idolization of Kefka.

Then we got a Sega Saturn. All was no longer well.

Nintendo and Square (now called SquareSoft) butted heads (along with Sony). Sony took their machinery designed for Nintendo and created the PlayStation. SquareSoft took their work and brought it to the PS, calling it "Final Fantasy VII". I finally played this great game in 1998. I found myself able to look past the crappy rendered graphics - there was still lovely music and an outstanding story.

In 1999/2000, I purchased "Final Fantasy VIII" - the LAST GREAT FINAL FANTASY. Hardcore gamers and Sephiroth lovers criticize this game to no end. But, I sympathized with Squall Leonhart and thoroughly enjoyed leading him through his growth from self-centered, stoic hero to caring lover.

In late 2000, I mistakenly purchased "Final Fantasy IX" - the beginning of the downward spiral of the series. I played the game maybe 15 minutes. Monkey boy Zidane and his midget girlfriend Garnet did not meet my standards based on splendour past. Vivi was the most interesting character in the game (a cognitive Black Mage among a race of clones), followed closely by the immensely sexy Kuja. I chose, instead, to watch my then-girlfriend play through the game. At the end, I was blessed to watch the most disappointing ending in the series.

In late 2002, I finally got a PlayStation2 and started playing "Final Fantasy X". I was immediately displeased with the lack of an overworld map. Later, I was again pained by the lack of a controllable airship (now absent from any subsequent game in the series). If it wasn't for the engrossing story, I would have never played this game passed an hour. Fortunately, for the last time in the series, I DID find the story very intriguing.

Quite soon, someone thought it was a good idea to release a photocopy of this game and call it "Final Fantasy X-2". Really, though, it should have been called "Charlie's Angels: the Role Playing Game". Maybe I would have liked it more if it didn't make me feel like a little girl. Never did keep interest in this game enough to finish it.

In 2003, SquareEnix went online with "Final Fantasy XI". I played this one for a while but hated the control interface and the disability of finding "friends". I have little to comment on this. Superb graphics. But, really, was there any reason to make an online game other than income of cash?

Four years later, SquareEnix finally releases "Final Fantasy XII". It has been EIGHT YEARS since I have played a great "Final Fantasy". My expectations were understandably high. Were they met? No. Mediocre graphics (what's up with Vaan's eyes), no followable storyline, no memorable character development, "Zelda"-like game play (if you want this, you must go here and get this for this person then go there and kill this guy to get to this island to get this sword so you can kill my wife so I can get a divorce and pay you to marry me), ANOTHER adventure in Ivalice (what? couldn't create a new world?), STILL NO CONTROLLABLE AIRSHIP!, Moogles and Chocobos just for shits and giggles, Gibbs and Deweg? (what the fuck?), crappy, sleep-inducing music (where's Nobuo? Oh yeah, he left...maybe you should have quit, too, Squeenix!), and a terrible idea called the License System [let's let all characters be the same! It worked in "Tactics", didn't it? (hated that game, too)]. Was there anything good about this travesty? Sure! Balthier is dead sexy and Fran can shake her Viera ass for me ANYDAY! The Gambit System and Active Dimension Battle System (the latter seen before in "Chrono Trigger" and "Chrono Cross" and favoured by myself) made the game tolerable (i enjoyed making a bag of popcorn while my party fought the White Mousse).

Seriously, though, what is SquareEnix coming to? Take any RPG, add some Moogles, Chocobos, a character (or 2...or three) named Cid, put in a familiar tune or two and - voila! - a "Final Fantasy"? It sure didn't used to be that simple. Thought and hard work once were involved in the production of a game that had to EARN the title of "Final Fantasy".

However, originality and storytelling seem unimportant to Squeenix, lately.

Take the newest "Final Fantasy" announced (i use the term "Final Fantasy" extremely loosely here). This game is being called "Dissidia: Final Fantasy". It is an action game. AN ACTION GAME, for fuck's sake! "Final Fantasy" is not an action series (see miserable failure, "Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of the Cerberus")! Regardless of the misclassification, there is no creativity here! The presumed premise here is as such: celebrate "Final Fantasy"'s 20th anniversary by creating a game that includes heroes and villains from the extended series. Translated: USE NO CREATIVITY IN CHARACTER CREATION. We've already seen these people! Why couldn't Squeenix have celebrated the anniversary by creating a "Final Fantasy" worth playing!?

Give me my overworld map back! Let me fly my goddamn airship again (I terribly miss my Ragnarok)! Introduce heroes I can sympathize with! Give me villains that make me feel my quest is worth fighting! While you're at it, how about a decent fucking story? I'd rather play a game for forty hours with an awesome story (see "Final Fantasy IV") than play one for 200 hours and forget there was even a story there! Side quests = fun/too many side quests distracting from the point of the game = really stupid idea! Find Nobuo Uematsu and start making quality music again! Give the character design back to Yoshitaka Amano!

Bottom Line: STOP CRAPPING OUT THESE GAMES! Take the time to make art again, Square!

"Final Fantasy XII" may, perhaps, be the penultimate Squeenix title I own.

It's in thirteen's court, now...